


Long and Lost

by IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Friendship, Inspired by Real Events, Jealous Jongdae, Maybe - Freeform, Out of Character, chenxing, xingdae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 21:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7286254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing/pseuds/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The EXO members (minus 1) decide to hold an intervention because emotionally constipated "ex-best friends" can't seem to figure things out; also known as where Lay is oblivious, Jongdae is carrying a grudge, and Byun Baekhyun has a finger in every pie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long and Lost

**Author's Note:**

> If you've decided to pursue reading this even after my awkward attempt at a summary, thank you and welcome!!!
> 
> This is my first fic not only for the pairing but for the fandom. Hope you enjoy!

“Lay hyungie! You’re here!”, Baekhyun’s joyous whoop echoes all over the dorm, earning warm laughter and a tight hug from the aforementioned Chinese male who had just flown in from Shanghai.

“Hi everyone! I missed you”, Lay announced merrily, walking into the living room, his voice carrying over to the room where Jongdae was busy (pretending to) read some music sheets. He was not – _absolutely not_ – sitting on his bed (near the door) eavesdropping upon the greetings being exchanged between the Korean members and Lay right outside.

So what if Lay was here? It didn’t matter at all to Jongdae. Why should it? It wasn’t like he was here three hours later than when the plane should have landed and oh, he had to make a stop at the SM offices? Why? Not that Jongdae cared or anything. He had far more important things to do, like study music sheets, and remember lyrics and choreography for their comeback, and – _Lay was walking towards their room…_

Jongdae could hear Lay pausing right outside the door, and he took that moment to face completely away from the door, and raise his headphones around his ears. His eye didn’t start twitching at all when the door knob turned, and Lay knocked on the doorframe loudly trying to catch his attention.

“Can I come in?”, Lay asked him politely, hesitantly, flashing a small smile as he did. _A peace offering. An olive branch._

 _It’s your room too, you pabo,_ Jongdae wants to shout, but he doesn’t. Instead, he nods, calm and collected, and politely asks if Lay had a safe flight.  Lay nodded in reply, mouth straightening into a frown at Jongdae’s aloof formality ~~, and Jongdae would be damned if his heart didn’t lurch at that stupid dimple peeking out of Lay’s cheek~~.

Things between them were…difficult, to say the least. And neither knew how to quite behave around each other.

They didn’t have a fight. No. What happened was far worse….they fell out.

Once extremely chummy and inseparable, both off and on stage, they used to be joined at the hips – _layandchen, jongdaeandxingxingge._ From pre-debut tutoring sessions to numerous trips rooming together and countless insides jokes shared over the years, they had moved up the friendship ladder fast, and become extremely close.  
Nowadays, polite enquiries of health and schedules was all the conversation they could sparingly make.

* * *

 

It had started sometime after Tao’s departure when Lay decided to take the burden of the world upon his shoulders, and shut himself off, hardened by the hatred of the netizens online.

He had started becoming alarmingly thin and subdued, and refuted anyone who showed slightest concern for his wellbeing with a smile and some skinship. Jongdae had tried to share his burden, but had been blocked at every corner. And so had the other members. But that was bearable, because Lay was stubborn as hell, and Jongdae both admired and detested that.

What hurt was that Lay finally decided to confide in Baekhyun.

_Byun-fucking-Baekhyun._

Not Minseok hyung, who he always looked up to; not Junma, their caring leader; and not even Jongdae – his self-proclaimed favorite _didi_ , who he spent countless hours tinkering his demos with. (It wasn’t like Jongdae himself didn’t confide in Baekhyun: the oldest beagle liner had a way of putting people at ease and relieving their burdens that was unparalleled.)

It was the fact that one fine morning he woke up to find Baekhyun clinging like a koala to a laughing Lay’s back, and carding his fingers through Lay’s hair playfully, and that no other member found anything wrong with the picture. Jongdae was completely blindsided. ~~_He wasn’t jealous, he was a grown man, above such petty feelings_.~~

~~But it…hurt. _And so he decided to hurt back._~~

When Lay began trying to mend the closeness that had dissipated between them, Jongdae refused to. He took two steps back for every approaching one of Lay’s. Lay had made his peace with the other members over time, having made peace with himself first, but Jongdae still refused to bridge the gap. ~~And eventually Lay stopped really trying to.~~

_Jongdae doesn’t even know why…_

He misses the closeness they shared, the unique way Lay had of enunciating _Chen_ , or how comfortably affectionate skinship once had come to them. Instead, he throws himself into the soundtrack deals SM throws at him, goes to gym with Minseok hyung, and above all avoids Lay, very subtly.  
It helps that SM decides to pair up and sell XiuChen, and that Lay ~~is too nice for his own good and~~ doesn’t call out Jongdae, but he can feel frustration rolling off the elder’s fragile shoulders.

Like now.

Lay is busy unpacking, and setting up his equipments (and _is he shoving packets of the Chinese sweets Jongdae was fond of into the bottom drawer of his nightstand?_ ). Where once Jongdae would have helped Lay organize his stuff and whined till he was handed over the snacks, now he only steals surreptitious glances at his hyung, trying to make sure that he’s well. His dark circles look darker, and his cheeks look gaunter, but the healthy glow to his skin is comforting.

* * *

They are not left to stew in their uncomfortable silence for too long.

Chanyeol shows up first, offering help to set up Lay’s musical gears, and the two singer-songwriters start a discussion about the compositions they had been doing and sharing to-and-fro. Jongdae doesn’t at all notice that Lay glances at him while telling Chanyeol that he needs a vocal for his demo. _If he needs a vocal he might just as well ask his best friend Baekhyun_ , Jongdae thinks petulantly, turning the page of his print-out a little too noisily.

And like the devil that appears when summoned, Baekhyun traipses into the room right as Chanyeol is leaving, swinging a shopping bag in his hands (that Jongdae later learns contains new underwear, because ge _really_ is a forgetful pabo). And much to Jongdae’s surprise and comfort, Kyungsoo appears right behind Baekhyun, bearing a plate of snacks, and trailed by a newly blond Jongin.

As all three settle themselves around the room, and Lay starts munching on whatever Kyungsoo got him, Jongdae can’t help but wonder if their animated conversation needed to be taking place in his room. _The old Jongdae would have rushed them all out and barred the door so Lay can get his rest, but the new Jongdae doesn’t care about that._ He just wants some quiet, so he can concentrate on the two-paged music sheet he’d been manhandling for the past four hours.

Looking up, he finds Lay’s eyes trained on him, and immediately looks away towards Jongin, who’s in the process of shyly asking his favorite dance partner if hyung wants to go over the point dance with him.  
Jongdae then looks at Baekhyun, who for some reason, is giving him a dirty look (okay, Baekhyun might have told him a few ~~couple of dozen~~ times to sort things out with Lay, and fast, for everyone’s sakes, because the stale tension between Lay and Chen – _**not layandchen** , that was no more_ – was distracting everyone), so Jongdae takes intense pleasure in rolling his eyes at his friend.

But the scary glare that Kyungsoo has fixed on him is uncalled for, or so Jongdae thinks.

Also, why is Kyungsoo glaring at him? Did Lay confide in him too? Or did Minseok hyung tattletale?

Whatever it may be, Jongdae didn’t care. What happened between Lay and him was their business alone, and neither Kyungsoo nor Minseok hyung should indulge in dorm gossip. And if Junma tried to again ask Jongdae if he’d be more comfortable with a different roomie, Jongdae swears he will break Lay’s stupid guitar over the elder’s head. Lay was his. Roommate, that is. They had been for far too long, so why go changing established habits?

Immersed in his violent thoughts, Jongdae doesn’t first notice Kyungsoo calling his name. Only when Baekhyun shouts it does Jongdae tune in, to find Kyungsoo asking for his help with cooking. Jongdae quickly acquiesces, almost springing off the bed to follow Kyungsoo out, and as he’s putting on his sandals, he hears Jongin tell Lay to nap for a while before they can go sweat out their body weight in the practice room. (Baekhyun pauses to peck Lay’s cheek sweetly, and Jongdae has to force himself to look away from the content smile that plasters itself on the stupid, too-friendly-and-naïve-for-his-own-good elder’s face.)

 ** _He_** once used to do that to Lay.

That and more, and Lay had returned every gesture of his affection two-fold. _Personal space was not a word that existed in Zhang Yixing’s dictionary, after all_. But nowadays, only brief brushing of hands or momentary shoulder pats were all the interactions they could afford to put up.

Lay had once said that the thing he admired most about his favorite _didi_ was the fact that Chen had an overabundance of unconditional love to give, and Jongdae had laughed it away. Because he didn’t love, not too much, not too many. That was Lay, ever-affectionate and kind. Jongdae was cautious with matters of the heart, which is why the way things stood between him and Lay hurt him too. Deeply. Continually…

* * *

He’s once again brought out of his introspection by Kyungsoo, who has decided to painfully grasp the back of Jongdae’s neck. Before Jongdae can demand what is happening, Kyungsoo slaps a hand across Jongdae’s mouth, and Baekhyun and Jongin strongarm him a ~~nd ignoring his weak attempts at freeing himself~~ drag him and change his course from the kitchen to Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s shared room.

As they passes Sehun, who had draped himself in front of the dorm’s television set, Jongdae tries to convey with his eyes that the maknae should make his heroic rescue, but Sehun only spares him a bored look before standing up and shuffling towards Lay’s closed door.

Chanyeol avoids Jongdae’s eyes as he ushers the foursome into his room, his ears turning as cherry red as his new hair colour, and Jongdae is only set free when the door is banged shut behind him by Joonmyeon.

“What! What are you guys doing?”, he  demands immediately, massaging his wrist where Jongin had grabbed him a little too tightly.

Everyone assesses him with cool, irritated eyes, looking at him as if he were a bug under microscope. “What do you think?”, Baekhyun asks scathingly, glaring at him.

Jongdae shrugs in confusion because he’s not exactly sure why he’s being ganged up on. _Well, he has an inkling, but maybe he’s not right?_ Kyungsoo mutters darkly under his breath from his post against the door as Beakhyun groans, flopping onto his pillow.

 “This is an intervention”, Joonmyeon states primly, settling into his role of Suho. “We’re going to have a comeback in days-”  
“-which means press conferences, interviews and variety shows-”,  Baekhyun interjects smoothly.  
“-which means _you_ need to stop.”, Joonmyeon completes.

“Stop what?”, Jongdae asks, inclining his head.

“Your stupidity”, Kyungsoo snaps at the same time Baekhyun bites out “Hurting Lay hyung.”

Joonmyeon takes a deep breath. “Lay is here. He’s trying. Why can’t you accept that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about”, Jongdae replies, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, you do”, Joonmyeon stares him down. It's not often Joonmyeon goes into uncanny leader mode, but this seems to be one of those rare appearances. “Whatever issues you might have with Lay, you need to make peace and soon. I’m not telling you to hang off his shoulder like Baekhyun” – hey! – “but I’m telling you that you will behave civilly towards him. And be considerate. Both in public and off camera. We need to present a united front, and you are _not_ to jeopardize that.”

“I am civil”, Jongdae retorts weakly.

“And I am actually Lee Minho in disguise”, Baekhyun returns sarcastically.

“Look here, you idiot”, Kyungsoo takes over effortlessly. “Lay has been travelling far too much, and working non-stop. And he feels sorry for not being with us, 24/7. Don’t add to his burden by giving him the cold shoulder. He neither needs nor deserves that. So stop making him unhappy, okay?”

“Hyung is fine”, Jongdae replies smoothly, unconvincingly. “He’s just tired. We all are.”

“ _‘Just tired_ ’ people don’t vomit quietly at 3 am in the washroom. Nor do they get caught sobbing in the balcony by Chanyeol. Twice”, Joonmyeon returns sharply.  Before Jongdae can do more than lose composure, Chanyeol peeks his head into the room. “Did someone call me?”

“Go outside and guard the door like we planned, you idiot!”, Kyungsoo hisses in a deadly tone, and Chanyeol whines that doing nothing was boring, and Lay was sequestered in his room with Sehun anyway, but none of that made its way through the sudden roaring noise rushing in Jongdae’s ears.

* * *

“Lay hyu-hyung has been vomiting?”, he asks, clenching his fists tightly. Immediately everyone quietens down – somberly – and Chanyeol is unceremoniously shoved out of the room by Kyungsoo.

Jongin is the one to nod this time, sadly too.  
“I caught him twice in the bathroom, and Baekhyun hyung caught him a couple more times.”, he worries his lips with his teeth, looking more hurt than a kicked puppy. “Lay hyung kept insisting it’s food poisoning, but no food poisoning I know lasts as long as -”

“How long?”, Jongdae asks sharply.

“What’s it to you?”, Kyungsoo retorts, scowling.

“How long?!”, Jongdae almost shouted.

Everyone froze for a moment, trying to discern if Jongdae’s raised voice would propel Lay out of his room. But when nothing seemed to happen after a couple of minutes, Jongdae repeated his question, in a more restrained tone.

“Two months”, Baekhyun returns, his boisterous voice uncharacteristically soft.

Two months…. _two months._  
Since the GAON Awards.  
Since Lay had that injury.  
Since Chen brushed past him at that show, and ignored him completely.

“He’s been crying for far longer”, Baekhyun soldiers on. “Chanyeol found him last December,” – _after MAMA, after EXO’luxion, after Lay got everyone lucky charms and Jongdae didn’t even take it out of the packaging_ – “and Yeol freaked out, so much so that he went to Joonmyeon hyung straightaway.”

“I didn’t know”, Jongdae replies, feeling weak.

Beakhyun must figure that his knees are two seconds from buckling because suddenly Jongdae finds himself on the bed, a fragrant-shampoo-smelling Byun Baekhyun pressed comfortingly against his left shoulder.

“He didn’t want to burden you. Probably”, Kyungsoo sighs. “Though why not is anyone’s guess. What went wrong, Jongdae? Why have you been behaving so callously towards Lay?”

Jongdae can only shake his head, upset and guilty. He’d just wanted to make Lay feel slighted, the same way he’d felt when the elder had shut him out; he hadn’t wanted Lay to worry himself into physical sickness…

* * *

“This is a mess”, Jongin sighs softly, and Jongdae can’t help but nod along with suddenly shiny eyes.

“Fix it”, Joonmyeon asserts, after everyone has sat in silent reflection for a couple of minutes. “However you want. Just level with him. For both your sakes. And in the meantime..”, he trailed off meaningfully.

“I’ll be civil and considerate”, Jongdae promises, meaning it. “I’m sorry for…everything, you guys”

“Don’t be sorry. We’re family, aren’t we?”

“If you try to initiate a group hug, I’ll throw each one of you over the balcony”, Kyungsoo threatens, doing his best side-eye glare at their leader.

“I-I..Do you think you could call a car for me, hyung?”, Jongdae asks instead, trying to regain his composure. “I need to go to the company and lay down some vocals, and…. _think_.”

“Of course”, Joonmyeon answers easily, flashing a compassionate smile, walking out of the room to get his phone.

“I’ll go too, lunch isn’t going to prepare itself”, Kyungsoo sighs. “Jongin? You and Chanyeol make yourselves scarce. If either one of you accidentally awaken Lay, there will be hell to pay, you got me?”

“Of course, hyung”, Jongin quickly nods, exchanging a wide-eyed look with Chanyeol.  
“We’re not selfish. Hyung just got here from a double flight”, Chanyeol scoffs, still darting away quickly when Kyungsoo crosses his path.

That left Jongdae… **and** Baekhyun.

* * *

 

“You’ll talk to him, won’t you? He could really use a friend.”

“You’re his friend”, Jongdae answers automatically, head aching from the thoughts churning inside him.

“Who can’t construct one meaningful line in hyung’s native language, and nor can read his moods like you used to be able to”, Beakhyun returns unflinchingly.

“Sehun speaks Mandarin”, Jongdae returns, ignoring the last part of the sentence. Jongdae used to be able to read Lay oh so easily, even after he’d shut him out. _He just doesn’t remember when he’d decided to put blinders on to Lay’s feelings and pretend everything was peachy…_

“Which is why Sehunnie’s been put on ‘ _cuddling Lay hyung to sleep_ ’ duty”, Baekhyun manages a small laugh. Jongdae tries his best at smiling back, but doesn’t think he manages more than the semblance of a painful grimace.

They lapse into silence again, which is only broken when Jongdae turns to face his friend. “Baekhyun, he’s okay, isn’t he?”

“He seems to be. He’s tired and overworked and stubborn, but that’s become his norm, so...”, Baekhyun shrugs.

“Thank you.”, Jongdae replies after another prolonged pause.

“Hmm? What for?”

 _For helping him hold himself together. For being a good friend. For treating him with kindness and supporting him unconditionally. For being you. For being everything I should have been._ Jongdae wants to say all that, but he doesn’t. He only shakes his head, humming a bit.

Only when Chanyeol pops his head in to inform Jongdae that Joonmyeon hyung told him Jongdae’s car was on standby, and that Sehun had already sneaked out Jongdae’s music folder and coat and wallet, so Jongdae doesn’t need to go to the room and disturb Lay’s precious naptime, does Baekhyun speak up again.

“You’ll sort out things, yes?”, Baekhyun asks, lending Jongdae some fresh socks. ( _Why_ , Jongdae wonders errantly, _does he have a standby supply of freshly bought underwear and socks._ )

“I’ll do my best.”, he replies, putting on his coat and fixing his hair.

“And you’ll be nicer?”

“Okay”, that much Jongdae can promise immediately. He has a lot to sort out, and the recording rooms at their company building always gave him a sense of tranquility – perfect for thinking about the heavy stuff. _Like now._

“Oh, and don’t go bugging Minseok hyung anymore”, Baekhyun finishes conversationally, as he walks Jongdae to the door.

“Apparently your stupidity has been giving him ulcers, and hyung neither likes nor appreciates them. Now go sing some sappy ballads like the lovelorn romeo that you are. Hwaiting!”, and with that Byun Baekhyun shuts the dorm door on Kim Jongdae’s surprised face (and locks it, for good measure).

* * *

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! Now that you've done going through my words, I'd appreciate if you leave me some feedback.  
> Let me know what you thought of it :)
> 
> Sequel is now up: [Map (To You)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7332781)


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